Friday, September 10, 2010

Introduction, part the first (long)

If you have stumbled across this blog, it's because I've lost my ever loving mind and made it public. Initially, I intended to keep it for my eyes only, a private record of my journey from Fat Mama to Fit Mama, because I don’t admit my weight to anyone…ever! But then it occurred to me that (1) I have found the blogs of several brave and awesome women that have provided me with a lot of inspiration, motivation, and great ideas, and if I could do that for even one other person, it would be worth it; (2) if anyone ever does find it (I’m not planning to advertise it!), it would be great to get feedback from others; and finally, (3) posting will help keep me accountable, and I promise I will be honest about all my ups and downs.

So with that, I will just jump right in and introduce myself (be prepared, I’m a chatty Mama!) My name is Liz. I am a fat Mama to three girls: E, 7 going on 17, C, 12 going on 21, and J, 14 and looking forward to driver's ed next year! I have struggled with my weight my whole life, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in my early teens and with depression in my early twenties (though it likely went undiagnosed for a good many years). Other than a few stretches of time here and there, I have never been very active or gotten into the habit of exercising regularly. I have, however, been on eleventy thousand diets and at times was quite successful...that is, until this happened or that came up (you know how This and That just love to slam you when you are feeling vulnerable), and there I went, off the back of the diet wagon. I have fallen off that damn wagon so many times, I have permanent scars on my arse.

Two years ago I was at my heaviest weight ever - close (and by close I mean nose to nose) to 250 pounds. How depressing to realize that I not only was I heavier than during any of my pregnancies, but that I was a also good bit heavier than many of the pro athletes I watched on tv on Sundays (while downing beer and wings and chips and dip, of course). I was miserable. There was a tape running in my head every minute of every day telling me how fat and ugly and worthless I was. My weight colored my entire life. And yet, at the same time, I was in denial, and for a long time I just kept buying bigger and bigger clothes and didn't do anything about it (I had EXCUSES, man, I was a busy Mama, a busy SINGLE Mama, and I was stressed, and I was depressed, and I was OMG so very tired all. the. time, and I didn't have any time, and couldn't afford a sitter so I could exercise, and and and blah blah blah so on and so forth). Then my doctor put me on medication for my thyroid and I felt a little better and I started walking and managed to lose about 10 pounds, and what do you know, a little motivation started to creep in. But I was pretty half-hearted about it all and denial was still winning.

Then last summer, I bought a house with a beautifully landscaped yard. However, when I moved in about 2 months of growth after the previous owners had moved out, I realized that there was actual work involved in maintaining a yard like that - and lots of it (I honestly do not know how that realization escaped me when I was oohing and aahing over the yard a few months earlier)! I spent every weekend for about a month weeding, trimming, mulching, and sweating and hey, what do you know, another few pounds came off. Then I got the swine flu, and trust me when I say this is NOT the way you want to lose weight, but I try to be a silver lining kind of Mama, so there went another couple pounds. Suddenly, motivation was gaining on denial.

So what to do next? Well, eat my way through the holidays, of course, and then make that age old New Year's Resolution (though these days I call them goals, not resolutions) to lose weight. Except I knew I had to make a long-term, lifestyle change, not an instant fit back into those dusty “skinny” clothes hanging forlornly in the back of the closet change, so my was not to "lose weight" but to "get fit." Losing weight would be a natural by-product. Except that I did nothing – nothing – to get fit. I started doing the WW program on my own (done it so many times in the past, I can calculate points in my head), drinking my water, recording my points, quit my 3-cans-of-Dew-a-day habit and switched to diet soda (blech) and the pounds were coming off. Between January and the end of March, I lost another 15 pounds (if you are counting, I was down to around 213) and I was feeling good! However, I let myself relax indulge over a spring break vacation and after that, I just never quite got back on the program.

Stay tuned to see what happened next…

To health and fitness,

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